Kryptonite.

jesuschristvevo:

i hate teachers who dont let u go to the bathroom because “too many people went already” like yea but none of those people were me and our bladders arent connected so just because they peed already doesnt mean i dont have to pee anymore

sodamnrelatable:

omg my mom just came into my room and told me that I’m spending too much time on the internet so she told me “I’m sorry I have to do this but its for your own good…” and then she proceeded to delete the internet explorer icon from my desktop I’m laughing so hard I’m gonna pee myself omfg 

(Source: parasailin-sarahpalin)

Just a few points that have plagued my mind for awhile, and especially under recent circumstances. I would never kill myself. Honestly, I think about it all the time, but I wouldn’t ever do it. Yes, I constantly feel like a failure, like everything I do just reeks of disappointment, like no matter what I do, I’m driven by my fear of how others will perceive me, which in turn determines how I perceive myself. Yes, I am constantly caught between making my decisions based on what would truly make ME happy, and making my decisions in a desperate attempt to rid myself of this choking sense of inadequacy and failure. Yes, this has made me into an indecisive, unreliable character whose only consistency in action exists in a constant search for something that may alleviate this feeling of inadequacy even a tiny bit, even for a fleeting moment. And yes, that conflict is rendered even more inextricable because of how heavily my own sense of happiness has been, in the most unnatural of ways, conditioned to depend on my adequacy under the world’s standards. Yes, my lack of success in channeling my random and possibly nonexistent abilities into anything remotely respectable or worthwhile causes me to once again turn to weight loss out of my desperate and pathetic quest to feel less inadequate, and to create for myself the pretense that I have some bit of control over my life. So yes, to say that I constantly feel like I am nothing to this world but a burden and an inconvenience would be a vast understatement. So trust me, I understand. I’ve been there. A hundred and a thousand times over.

But here I go- I’ve seen how people’s lives were completely torn apart by the last 3 suicides at Northwestern within the past year, how communities were devastated by the loss of someone who took his or her own life, someone who took the ultimate sacrifice to seek an end to something he or she felt was intolerable. What that intolerable element is that drives each of these suicides, we’ll never know. No, we’ll never be sure, and often, we won’t even have a clue. Instead, people everywhere - fellow students, beloved family, close friends, and distant acquaintances alike will stare in shock at the grave and fumble for answers. Why didn’t she say something to me? Am I to blame? How could he do this to me? How could I have prevented this? What if? What if? What if?

If you give up, the last thing you’ll do is slip away unnoticed. People who have spent their entire lives loving you and nurturing you, all with the sole hope of preparing you to live an enriching, hard fought, joyful life will fall the hardest. You will be on their minds incessantly. It will be them who will take it upon themselves to figure out what they did wrong, how they could have prevented this, where they were at fault for failing you. It will be them who don’t sleep or eat for days at a time, perpetually consumed by guilt and suffocated by grief. While you will have taken a desperate and permanent measure to escape temporary problems, problems that cannot be larger than life itself, you will have left them behind to pick up the pieces and shoulder the damage.

So to you, the one who’s been fighting your battle in silence and in despair, the one who interacts with dozens of people every day yet has never felt so alone, the one who asks himself every day how much longer you can go on pretending: My answer to you is to fight on. No matter how hopeless and exhausted you feel now, please know that life has a plan in store for you. You belong here, but you have to believe it first. It’s so easy to look around and feel trapped, as though there’s nowhere to go from here but downwards. And you may very well feel locked into the cruel cycle of self loathing, doubting the legitimacy of your feelings, and allowing these doubts to contribute once again to your self disparagement.

But it’s never too late. The great thing about life is that you get another chance with every new day. The comforting thing about life is that you can have hope until the end, because the confines of your time to change, experience, and achieve exist only between birth and death. As long as you’re alive, you have the potential to change, and you have the potential to actualize this potential. Believe me- cutting that short would be a shame. Doing so would be severing your ties with your potential and with the joys that your future unquestionably holds. Good news could be coming your way. The struggle could almost be over. Someone unforgettable could be about to walk into your life. Reflect upon the last time you resolved a predicament. In retrospect, you’ll realize that the answer was there the whole time, but where you hadn’t expected it to be. Would it have been a problem in the first place if the answer was a predictable, obvious one? Would you have remembered this dilemma if its solution appeared exactly when and how you expected it to be? It is the obscurity, not absence, of a solution that constitutes a problem. Such is life.

Suicide wouldn’t give you relief, because relief is a sentiment that only the living can feel. Rather, it would mean that you’d never again rewind your favorite song because someone talked over the best verse. You’d never again glance subtly at the every ten seconds in lecture because it’s Tuesday and the dining hall is serving burritos for lunch. You’d never take another awkward family vacation photo, experience that moment of joy when you see your food coming in a restaurant, or dance to a catchy song so embarrassingly that you can’t even escape your own judgement.

It would mean that you wouldn’t be alive to feel the triumph of victory. It would mean that that person who walks by you every day and marvels at your beauty would never be able to tell you. It would mean that your future job would have to settle for a second best. It would mean that the person destined to become your best friend would experience the roller coaster that is life without the company and support of someone as perfect for him or her as you. Above all, killing yourself would mean that you just would never know.

So I urge you, I implore you, to get help if you need it, instead of suffering in the dark. Never have I realized how many people genuinely care and are there to help, until the most recent incident drove these people to reach out and declare it themselves. The other night, I found myself having a conversation with two fellow students who I had been friends with, but who certainly hadn’t before been central in my social life. The conversation drifted to the most recent student suicide, a topic which prompted one of them to say to us earnestly, “I love you both. I’m always here for you- please don’t ever kill yourself,” and proceeded to give us a tight threeway hug. Reflecting upon this gesture, I realize that we have more support than we initially estimate or expect. These two were by no means my best friends, but they nonetheless reached out because they wanted me to know that they cared, and to acknowledge that their lives wouldn’t be the same in my absence. More than anything, they reaffirmed what choosing life has taught me again and again: to hang in there and stay strong. You won’t regret it.

youreakingnotapawn:

leonhesreallycool:

rockpikmin:

leonhesreallycool:

DO NOT PUT ICE CREAM IN YOUR EYES

WHY DID YOU PUT ICE CREAM IN YOUR EYES

I WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WOULD JHURT SHORT ANSWER YES DONT

would you say that it makes your eyes scream

(Source: soudahesreallycool)